Welcome to Resident Widowhood
by Angelic Rodgers
Video: Residency Training, Long Hours, and the Effects on Patient Outcomes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qJCzjyi-dE
John Green, author of Paper Towns and The Fault in Our Stars, also does great videos on YouTube and I was not surprised at all to find that he’s the executive producer of Healthcare Triage. I suspect I’ll be devouring these.
The video above is a great overview of training hours. For those of you married to interns who are starting residency next month, such videos hopefully help you get a handle on what your intern is about to experience. Also, as we enter our final year of residency I have some suggestions for the incoming intern-widows.
It is the time of year when senior residents are in the process of packing up and moving to their new lives and jobs. Happily, this is our year–we’re headed to Future Town in a month. First, though, we have to get through boards and then we get to unwind and get to know each other again on a vacation.
This will be the first time in four years that we’ve been alone and off work.
As the year winds down, I’m sadly seeing some cries for help from spouses who feel invisible and unappreciated. Some are in counseling and some are beginning the divorce process. All of us are grieving the last however many years of training, even as we’re relieved that we’re at the end and that life will return to some new normal.
Transitions are hard no matter how wonderful they are.
For those of you beginning your role as the significant other of the zombies that are interns, here are some things to think about.
Realize that decisions you make together aren’t things you can resent your doctor spouse for later. In the first six months of residency you’re likely to become grouchy about things that really don’t matter. Maybe you decided together that one car during training is enough. You can’t then get mad about not having the car at your disposal because your Dr. Spouse is at work all the time.
Realize that decisions you make together aren’t things you can resent your doctor spouse for later. I repeat this because it also applies to things that very much DO matter. For instance, the decision to have children during residency is a major decision that you both made (unless there’s some story about a sperm bank or mistress pregnancy, of course). There are lots of reasons we chose not to have children as a couple before we started the medical journey, but at any points I considered it during training, I realized that in essence I would be a single parent. We do have pets and it’s clear that they rely on me in ways that they don’t rely on Dr. D. That’s just a fact of life. I cringe when I hear young doctor wives complain in support group settings that their spouses don’t change diapers or do the grunge work of parenting. I realize some of this is blowing off steam, but I think it’s worth mentioning to spouses and significant others of interns.
If you’re not a resident yourself, realize that you’re about to have a lonely few years. As you can guess from the hours discussed in the video above, you are going to have a lot of time on your hands. For many of you, you will also be dropped in a new town, and many of you may not be working. And even if you are working, it may be difficult to count on those work friends for full on support. For instance, we moved to a new city for residency, and I kept my job online. While I do have friends here after four years, I didn’t have a great support system that understood what I was going through. The other residents in Dr. D’s program are women who were involved with men (two married and one dating) during the four years we’ve been here; in addition to the spouses’ club being male-centered, I am a good 15-20 years older than those spouses. Whereas they all worked locally, my work is virtual, so there wasn’t that same level of support. And, I would assume that even for them that they had comfort in shared experience with the other resident spouses that I didn’t have due to the gender and age differences. Luckily, one of the friends I have here is familiar with physician training and the type of schedules. But realize that it’s hard for other people to understand what you’re going through and what your doctor spouse is going through. It’s a lonely experience in a particular way.
Pay for things you normally wouldn’t. Let some things go. My life got a lot easier when I started doing things like Organics Door-to-Door, and I’m currently enjoying Blue Apron. Consider outsourcing things like mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, grocery shopping. You don’t have to do everything yourself, and residency has a way of putting a lot of things on your plate. If you found your load heavy when your now-intern was in medical school, start now thinking about ways you can give yourself a break. While you may think you don’t have the money, in some cases it’s actually cheaper to use some of these services.
Set it and forget it. One of the things I’m doing now that I wish I’d done earlier is to set up auto-payments on things like credit cards so that the minimum payment is covered automatically. I did this just recently because we’re moving in a month and I didn’t want a payment to go late while we’re traveling and moving. You can pay extra on your own time, but there’s comfort knowing you won’t miss a date. You can also pay a utility bill twice now and again–I’ve done this accidentally before, but did it intentionally this month to ensure those are taken care of while things are chaotic. Most utility companies welcome auto-pay.
Start dating. By this, I mean each other. It can be hard to do, especially when money is tight, but we instituted “F It Friday” back in medical school and tried to keep it going during residency–at least on non-call Fridays. Go out to dinner. Try to catch up–try not to talk about work (this goes for both of you!).
Join support groups. There are lots of Facebook groups available which can help a great deal. Nurturing Medical Marriages with Kim Blackham, LMFT is a great one. There are also more local groups–they are great for talking things out with folks who understand.
Angelic Rodgers and Dani Cothern, who just finished her OB-GYN residency at the University of Kansas Medical Center, are on their way to the next stage of their Journey of Medicine. Angelic also serves as the Program Director of English for Baker College Online & Professional Services based in Flint, Michigan. This blog was originally published on Angelic’s blog, The Other Half, at http://www.angelicrodgers.com/the-other-half.
Another great support resource I’m a part of is the Dads Married to Doctors group on Facebook. If you haven’t yet, check it out – I’ve been a member for a couple years and it’s a great group of about 2,600 dads across the country (and some global) with spouses in a variety of fields.
Consider joining your local Medical Association Alliance and the AMA Alliance! Most states have an Alliance network. The AMA Alliance can connect you to your state or county alliance. The Alliance is a network of people who “get it!” We understand your training years and the loneliness you sometimes feel. This article is great and full of terrific tips as well. It is important however, to surround yourself with a supportive network of friends with an understanding of your situation…
These are friends you will forever cherish and will be able to laugh with about these difficult years, many years from now! http://www.amaalliance.org
Hey there, I just found your site, quick question…
My name’s Eric, I found physicianfamilymedia.net after doing a quick search – you showed up near the top of the rankings, so whatever you’re doing for SEO, looks like it’s working well.
So here’s my question – what happens AFTER someone lands on your site? Anything?
Research tells us at least 70% of the people who find your site, after a quick once-over, they disappear… forever.
That means that all the work and effort you put into getting them to show up, goes down the tubes.
Why would you want all that good work – and the great site you’ve built – go to waste?
Because the odds are they’ll just skip over calling or even grabbing their phone, leaving you high and dry.
But here’s a thought… what if you could make it super-simple for someone to raise their hand, say, “okay, let’s talk” without requiring them to even pull their cell phone from their pocket?
You can – thanks to revolutionary new software that can literally make that first call happen NOW.
Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that sits on your site, ready and waiting to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know IMMEDIATELY – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re still there at your site.
You know, strike when the iron’s hot!
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.
When targeting leads, you HAVE to act fast – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes later is huge – like 100 times better!
That’s why you should check out our new SMS Text With Lead feature as well… once you’ve captured the phone number of the website visitor, you can automatically kick off a text message (SMS) conversation with them.
Imagine how powerful this could be – even if they don’t take you up on your offer immediately, you can stay in touch with them using text messages to make new offers, provide links to great content, and build your credibility.
Just this alone could be a game changer to make your website even more effective.
Strike when the iron’s hot!
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to learn more about everything Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business – you’ll be amazed.
Thanks and keep up the great work!
Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – you could be converting up to 100x more leads immediately!
It even includes International Long Distance Calling.
Stop wasting money chasing eyeballs that don’t turn into paying customers.
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If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=physicianfamilymedia.net
Hi, my name is Eric and I’m betting you’d like your website physicianfamilymedia.net to generate more leads.
Here’s how:
Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you as soon as they say they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re still there at physicianfamilymedia.net.
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And now that you’ve got their phone number, our new SMS Text With Lead feature enables you to start a text (SMS) conversation – answer questions, provide more info, and close a deal that way.
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The difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour means you could be converting up to 100X more leads today!
Try Talk With Web Visitor and get more leads now.
Eric
PS: The studies show 7 out of 10 visitors don’t hang around – you can’t afford to lose them!
Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.
If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://talkwithwebtraffic.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=physicianfamilymedia.net
Hey there, I just found your site, quick question…
My name’s Eric, I found physicianfamilymedia.net after doing a quick search – you showed up near the top of the rankings, so whatever you’re doing for SEO, looks like it’s working well.
So here’s my question – what happens AFTER someone lands on your site? Anything?
Research tells us at least 70% of the people who find your site, after a quick once-over, they disappear… forever.
That means that all the work and effort you put into getting them to show up, goes down the tubes.
Why would you want all that good work – and the great site you’ve built – go to waste?
Because the odds are they’ll just skip over calling or even grabbing their phone, leaving you high and dry.
But here’s a thought… what if you could make it super-simple for someone to raise their hand, say, “okay, let’s talk” without requiring them to even pull their cell phone from their pocket?
You can – thanks to revolutionary new software that can literally make that first call happen NOW.
Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that sits on your site, ready and waiting to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know IMMEDIATELY – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re still there at your site.
You know, strike when the iron’s hot!
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.
When targeting leads, you HAVE to act fast – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes later is huge – like 100 times better!
That’s why you should check out our new SMS Text With Lead feature as well… once you’ve captured the phone number of the website visitor, you can automatically kick off a text message (SMS) conversation with them.
Imagine how powerful this could be – even if they don’t take you up on your offer immediately, you can stay in touch with them using text messages to make new offers, provide links to great content, and build your credibility.
Just this alone could be a game changer to make your website even more effective.
Strike when the iron’s hot!
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to learn more about everything Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business – you’ll be amazed.
Thanks and keep up the great work!
Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – you could be converting up to 100x more leads immediately!
It even includes International Long Distance Calling.
Stop wasting money chasing eyeballs that don’t turn into paying customers.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.
If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=physicianfamilymedia.net
Good day,
My name is Eric and unlike a lot of emails you might get, I wanted to instead provide you with a word of encouragement – Congratulations
What for?
Part of my job is to check out websites and the work you’ve done with physicianfamilymedia.net definitely stands out.
It’s clear you took building a website seriously and made a real investment of time and resources into making it top quality.
There is, however, a catch… more accurately, a question…
So when someone like me happens to find your site – maybe at the top of the search results (nice job BTW) or just through a random link, how do you know?
More importantly, how do you make a connection with that person?
Studies show that 7 out of 10 visitors don’t stick around – they’re there one second and then gone with the wind.
Here’s a way to create INSTANT engagement that you may not have known about…
Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know INSTANTLY that they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally checking out physicianfamilymedia.net.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.
It could be a game-changer for your business – and it gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation – immediately (and there’s literally a 100X difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes.)
Plus then, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can connect later on with text messages for new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship.
Everything I’ve just described is simple, easy, and effective.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.
You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!
Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.
If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=physicianfamilymedia.net
Hello, my name’s Eric and I just ran across your website at physicianfamilymedia.net…
I found it after a quick search, so your SEO’s working out…
Content looks pretty good…
One thing’s missing though…
A QUICK, EASY way to connect with you NOW.
Because studies show that a web lead like me will only hang out a few seconds – 7 out of 10 disappear almost instantly, Surf Surf Surf… then gone forever.
I have the solution:
Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. You’ll know immediately they’re interested and you can call them directly to TALK with them – literally while they’re still on the web looking at your site.
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works and even give it a try… it could be huge for your business.
Plus, now that you’ve got that phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation pronto… which is so powerful, because connecting with someone within the first 5 minutes is 100 times more effective than waiting 30 minutes or more later.
The new text messaging feature lets you follow up regularly with new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship.
Everything I’ve just described is extremely simple to implement, cost-effective, and profitable.
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business, potentially converting up to 100X more eyeballs into leads today!
Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.
If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=physicianfamilymedia.net